Thursday, January 27, 2011

Author's Note: The 99th Page Blogfest

Hi. This is the author (see the photo to your right - yes, your right) just stepping in for a moment or two to do some fourth wall breakage (with my inherent clumsiness, this is a literal and figurative possibility). I wanted to let you all know that I'm participating in this thing called The 99th Page Blogfest.

"But hark, what craziness be this, oh Great Author of all things Claire?"

(What? You guys don't talk like that? I'm so very disappointed...)

Well, eager beavers, let me explain (No, no. That'll take too long. Let me sum up...). It's this thing being run by the following lovely ladies: Erinn, Alicia, Holly, Pam and Quita. The gist of it is the authors around the blogosphere post the 99th page of their manuscipts and you, the readers, are asked to decide the following:

1. Would you turn to page 100?
2. Why or why not?
3. Based on what you've read, would you buy the book?

So, without further ado my lovely minions, I respectfully submit the 99th page (which is half a page, as it's the start of Chapter 10) of The (Absolutely, Positively) True Adventures of Claire Elizabeth Rogers to you, the readers.


“Please form a single line and report to the kiosks on the left for assignment.”

The line shifts and Jack hollers to Claire that they’re finally moving. When she doesn’t respond immediately, he looks over and finds the area vacant. No Metatron, no Claire, nothing but white orbs of light and wings. She’s abandoned him, left him for the masses, and gone off on her own to accomplish what he – literally – gave his life to help her do.

“Sonovabitch,” he swears. The elderly woman next to him in line smacks his arm.

“Stop cussing,” she says before moving along past him.

He sticks his tongue out at her when her back is turned.

*Additional house points to those of you who comment with the correct movie and/or television references tucked away in this post. Hint: there's only two of them.


  1. Awesome... yes I would turn the page, yes I would want to read more. Perfect page 99.

  2. Definitely interested to know what she's doing. I'd turn the page :)

  3. OMG I want to know what's happening. Yes to page 100. Yes to buying the book.

    I'm feeling like there's an Invader Zim reference in here, but that might be me.

  4. The irreverence in these circumstances is interesting--I'd like to see if these characters change at all over the course of the story, so yes, I'd turn the page.

  5. Yep. I would turn the page to find out more about Jack and Claire. Thanks for sharing.

  6. I'd continue reading. Jack sounds like a fun guy. I can't say I'd buy the book based just on this but I'd read the first page and the back :)

    Also, "Buttercup is marrying Humperdink in a little less 'an half an hour." Princess Bride is my #1 movie of all time!

  7. Definitely interesting enough to turn the page.

  8. Heh, I love how bratty the characters are. Awesome!

  9. I totally would turn- this is a very captive page.
    Lots of voice, and it sounds like a fascinating world...metatron, orbs, I want to know more.

  10. Metatron, wings, giving up life for much in so few sentences. I love it <3 Would definitely read more.

  11. Man... this is excellent! I loved this blog from the beginning for the wonderful skin choice (I have the same one) and this was such a good chapter opening, I reeeally want to read on. (If you ever need a beta or anything, you know who to call.) Thanks for posting this!

  12. Hi,

    I'd have to turn the page to find out what in hell is going on! ;)


  13. Short but amusing. I'd like to know what is going on in this story and more about the characters. Metatron threw me off a bit, but the rest had my attention pretty well for a small excerpt.

  14. “Sonovabitch,” he swears. The elderly woman next to him in line smacks his arm.

    Heh. :)

    Love your humor in this piece. I normally dislike present tense, but your writing makes it easy and fun to read. It takes a skilled writer to pull it off. I'd read on.

  15. Okay, I know one is Princess Bride, but I didn't catch that there were two (is it yes, your right - but I don't know from where)!

    Too bad it was only half a page - I'm just not getting a feel for what this is about. I think I would need a lead-in or a blurb or something to catch my interest. BUT I never open to the middle to determine if I want to read something, so this is new to me!

  16. A primer, for anyone who's more than a little confused about what the frick is going on up above (and not just in the paragraphs above):

    Awhile back, the various afterlife options of the Earth came knocking on God’s door and demanded She give them equal billing. So, out of a desire to save Herself a constant headache, She agreed and the Pearly Gates Corporation was founded.

    At some point, however, in mankind’s recent history, God’s A-List celebrity status dropped and She found Herself stuck on the D-List. So, She did what all celebrities in need of an image boost do, and She threw a hissy fit of apocalyptic proportions...which, of course, led to the scheduling of an actual apocalypse.

    Meanwhile, Claire Elizabeth Rogers, a member of the Prophetic Services Bureau of Heaven, Incorporated and a college librarian in the tiny lakeside town of Tuttle, Maine, has made a great and grand decision on behalf of the entire planet Earth: she’s decided to STOP the apocalypse.

    Claire’s plan hinges on two things: first, that She’s able to convince God that there are better, less violent ways, to raise Her status and second, that she isn’t already too late to accomplish the first. Claire’s also not morally opposed to blackmailing God with a little known secret, if that’s what it takes.

    And to top it all off, there’s a tailless minion, a vice-heavy guardian angel, an atheist record store owner whose whole belief system is being challenged, and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are driving a green and white Volkswagen minibus because the Chinese dragons ate their horses.

    Some days, it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed. Especially on the eve of the apocalypse…

  17. Oh, and 10 house points to Erica as well for correctly guessing The Princess Bride. :)

    For anyone trying to figure out the second reference, think back to Nickelodeon, circa 1996...

  18. I love the old lady.

    1. Would you turn to page 100? Yes
    2. Why or why not? I'm sufficiently intrigued.
    3. Based on what you've read, would you buy the book? Yes, ma'am.

    Keep writing!


  19. This is totally intriguing! I love the voice and I wonder about the details of this world. It felt a little Albert Brooks (a good thing in my book)! I'd read on!

  20. (I promise I didn't read any of the other comments, but I know you reffed one of my all time favorite films, Dogma, and another interesting one, Defending Your Life.)

    Would SO read. Love the voice, like the set up, and I want to know what happens next!

  21. I really like this, I think out of the other pages I've read this one makes the most sense and maybe because it's the start of the chapter, but I'm really intrigued--good work.

  22. Love that last little bit of immaturity, the sticking out of the tongue. I could totally picture that, good job.

  23. I liked the cranky old lady...

    I'd turn the page.


  24. Thanks everyone!!! Here's hoping that someday, you'll all actually be able to turn the page. :)

    The two references were The Princess Bride and Are You Afraid of the Dark?. I've never actually seen Dogma (I promise I don't live under a rock and I'm ashamed to admit that the only Kevin Smith movies I've seen are Chasing Amy and Cop Out), but I've been told there's a similarity in tone.

    Peruse the past posts and meet the characters and thanks to everyone who signed up to follow Claire's adventures!!!